ten years

Ten years ago I released an EP called “Human Becoming” of five original songs under the name Sangster. It’s taken me many years to finally have perspective on those songs and why I felt like I needed to get them out. I started writing them in 2010 (some lyrics dating back to 2005). They were mostly about being lost, trapped, like I had missed opportunities, and even about heartache. They were a snapshot in time for me, but I feel like they were ambiguous enough that they resonated with people on many levels. They were very loved by the people who heard them, more so than I ever loved them. And I got tired very quickly of them, because once they were out, I was over them. Playing them night after night was too emotional and not my style. I tend to keep moving, sometimes, often leaving behind traces of my past self without any notice to the observing outside.

All this to say, even though I don’t talk about them much, I *am* proud of the project and those five songs from my early twenties, even if I often am embarrassed by them. There’s a whole inside story behind every song and a whole story as to why they were written. All stories for perhaps another time, or a private message (if the curiosity is too much for you). The EP is only available on bandcamp (you can listen for free or pay for a download). I once had it on iTunes/spotify/etc but didn’t feel like paying Tunecore to keep it up. I’ll leave the link here in honor of its ten year anniversary for you to enjoy if you’d like. And many thanks to everyone who helped bring the songs to life, whether playing on the record/live/or supporting it. I’m glad I did it. And I hope to maybe do it again someday. A follow up, if you will. Oh, and I have written a new song. That’s some news for another day. #sangster #humanbecoming

I'm a mom. When did that happen? And other thoughts...

I don’t have much else to say at the moment about being a mom now, other than it is a daily trip to think that someone on this Earth calls me “Mama” and relies on me (and her father) to shape, guide, and protect her. My daughter is almost two now (in October) and I’m just…pfffp…amazed at how time flies and things change.
Anyway! This summer has been a very sunny and hot one. My second summer since moving back to my hometown. My tan has never been more golden. Kids will keep you outside a lot. Not a day goes by where my kid doesn’t say “outside?! OUTSIDE?!!!”. The cats always sit at the door watching us like they are morbidly curious, but you better believe they lose their minds if you carry them outside. Pampered little floofs.

I’m finally feeling more myself (whatever that is) after a season of grief and intense change. This damn pandemic is still raging and that’s keeping me ever-so painfully aware of my and my loved ones’ mortality. I’ve been working fairly hard at losing more of this baby/pandemic weight - 16.7 lbs down so far in a little over two months. The Noom app helped kickstart it, and I’m still following its basic rules, just not logging everything. We’d love to start “trying” again for another baby but, I’m pumping the brakes just a bit till I feel like I have more strength back, both physically and emotionally. And I’m just beginning to work on my support for singing. I really did not maintain it much before pregnancy, so now it’s all but disappeared. MOST of that is from bad technique from waaay too varied instruction, and flip-flopping to cross-over genres. It doesn’t help that I’m only singing once a week at church (no rehearsals during the summer months), and what with covid still present, and Tulsa not having nearly as robust a “scene” as LA….so I’ve enlisted some help from a local instructor. I feel like I’m in good hands and my focus is much more deliberate since my time is so precious (hello parenting!).

This summer has been so slow. I’ve had one student (who’s been sporadic) and a beautiful studio space that’s collecting dust (GASP I need to go water the plants over there!). BUT things are starting to pick up. I have a new student starting at the studio and I’m going back to the gym next week (they’re actually next door to each other). And after Labor Day the church rehearsals will start back up. That’ll be nice. I also got a call today from a priest friend asking if I could be their “on-call” soloist for weddings at his new parish. Of course I couldn’t refuse and I was honored he called.

There are many other things going on, all of which I can share but I just don’t have the mental capacity for tonight. Soon, I will share more. I have a lot to share. A lot of big anniversaries coming up - good and bad. Lot’s of thoughts and feelings and I think it’s probably better to share than keep them bottled. Until then…